The Bluestar Diaries

[leah]

After reading the Bluestar diaries on Starless, I wondered what would happen if there were "diaries" for all the books. Seriously, I've just been seeing mistakes left and right when reading the books, which is part of the reason why I reread them (i wanted to find mistakes)

[cloudbat]

Yes but you have interesting things to say and since I'm surrounded by mediocre thinkers most of the time I relish that. Plaaaants. Plants make oxygen and oxygen mixed with nitrogen is good. /rambleramble

[cloudbat]

To Pinkmon: I also did Eclipse once upon a time, I might clean it up and bring it over here.

[cloudbat]

“Swiftbreeze flashed Snowpaw a look”

Poor Snowpaw, her innocence has been spoiled.

“her tail was whipped up over her back by the wind”

Is this even possible? It sounds ridiculous.

“Fur, heavy with flesh, flew in clumps”

Either those cats are made of stuffing, Velcro and are marionettes or Cloud is missing something here, because as far as she knows, things like that don’t happen in cat fights.

“There!”

Is nothing of interest.

“He twisted suddenly”

But never slowly. The Erins don’t pay him to do that.

Anyway, Bluepaw went to the WindClan camp to help fetch back Leopardpaw, and she’s watching cats fight. It took about the Erins about two pages to say that.

“claws ripped hunks of fur from his pelt”

…this sounds ridiculous. It sounds like he’s getting an extreme haircut, er, furcut.

“ground around them ran red”

Ground ran red? I would understand if it was a river, but the ground doesn’t run. Saying it was stained red would be better.

“The tabby let out an agonized shriek that pierced Bluepaw’s belly.”

I’d be thinking it’s her ears it would pierce, not her stomach. Unless she’s a mutant and hears from her digestive system.

And they finally go down in the clearing of WindClan’s camp to collect Leopardpaw. After our page’s worth of description. Wow.

Swiftbreeze shows that she is Supercat by picking up her daughter (Leopardpaw) who is a full-fledged apprentice (at least ten moons or so) by the scruff.

Well I think that speaks for itself.

“the scent of blood and fear and torn fur.”

I can understand how blood and fear would have scents, but torn fur? Why would it smell any different than regular fur?

“I was born a warrior!”

No, you were born a kit. A freak of nature kit, but still a kit.

“..Swiftbreeze’s teeth sunk into her tail and dragged her back.”

As Christopher Paolini walked by, he congratulated the Erins on how they had reached his level of fail.

“Suddenly Pinestar’s call rose above the screeching of battle.”

That “suddenly” was not needed. -.-

Anyway, Pinestar orders his Clan to retreat, and of course everyone goes still. If I were a WindClan cat I wouldn’t pay any attention to him and would go on beating the crap out of whoever I was fighting. They invaded my camp and are trying to destroy my medicine supplies. They deserve no mercy. Well, not much mercy.

““StarClan would have never let you win.””

Not so sure about that, considering whom their favorites are. But hey, maybe things were actually fair back then before Firestar came with his stuness to the forest. Although what StarClan has to do with the fighting anyway I don’t know. It’s not like they’re there.

And Moonflower dies. Are we sad she was killed by the medicine cat? Not really. We never really knew her and she had barely any characterization at all.

“She still smelled like Moonflower, of softness and the nursery.”

Softness doesn’t have a smell.

“laid his tail on Bluepaw’s shoulders.”

Woah now Sunfall. Easy there boy.

Anyway, they go home.

Moonflower’s body is rubbed down with herbs before the vigil for some random reason.

[celestialsquared]

My goodness.
This is the best thread.

[Grey]

Are we sad she was killed by the medicine cat?

I like the fact the medicine cat killed her. For once we have someone who is outside of the sweet-hearted, placid medicine cat stereotype (like Yellowfang was trying to be). I mean, the name Hawkheart is another sign of Erin Hunter's inability to stick with a system, since Erin Hunter uses hawk- for "mean" cats only, and probably in a one-part style in this example.

[celestialsquared]

Sept 30, 2012 16:05:47 GMT -6 cloudbat said:

As Christopher Paolini walked by, he congratulated the Erins on how they had reached his level of fail.

And yet I still want to read his final book.
I gotta know how it all eeeeends!

Sept 30, 2012 16:05:47 GMT -6 cloudbat said:

Moonflower’s body is rubbed down with herbs before the vigil for some random reason.

Isn't it so the body won't smell so much like DEATH as the clan creepily stick their noses near her dead body?

[vbfdoee]

Re: herbs: I don't understand that. Warrior cats deal with death constantly. To them, it wouldn't be something that they need to cover the smell of. My two cents.

[celestialsquared]

Sept 30, 2012 19:12:05 GMT -6 vbfdoee said:

Re: herbs: I don't understand that. Warrior cats deal with death constantly. To them, it wouldn't be something that they need to cover the smell of. My two cents.

I guess it's just another example of Erin trying to "humanize" the cats.

[cloudbat]

"My goodness.
This is the best thread."

I disagree, but thank you anyway. x'3 Then again there's no best thread since that's a subjective opinion.../rambleramble

"I like the fact the medicine cat killed her."

As do I; Hawkheart is actually a really good character by the standards of this series. I wish we saw more of him.

"I gotta know how it all eeeeends!"

I recommend it, but sheerly for the lols. The ending...sweet mother of British television. Gack.

On the whole herbs thing:

It's never been done in later books, so I'm mainly wondering why it's appearing at all. And I agree, there's no reason to use herbs on a dead cat, especially when living ones need them more. I'd think warriors would be practical like that.

[cloudbat]

It is moons later, and we learn Sunfall is now Bratpaw’s mentor. Great.

“Bluepaw wished Stonepelt were still her mentor. He had never treated her like a mouse-brain.”

…even though she is one. And the case is classic: Bratty missed a squirrel, so Sunfall gives her advice and she thinks that he thinks she’s stupid.

She’s my hero.

““You love everything,” Bluepaw growled…”

She’s talking to Lionpaw (Lionkit) and I don’t see why loving everything is bad. Slightly creepy, but not necessarily bad.

“He was always cheerful!”

Bratpaw dislikes happy people? Er, cats? Is she a full blown emo now or what?

“Even Snowpaw seemed happier. Traitor. Had she forgotten about Moonflower?”

So basically, Bratty thinks that because her mother died, everyone should be doom and gloom 24/7. Or at least that’s the message I’m getting from her, and it’s not a good one.

“How dare Snowpaw apologize for her?”

Yes, how dare she and try and be sympathetic toward you around other cats?

Good gar, it’s hardly a quarter of way through the book and she pisses me off at least once every page. Somebody shoot her.

“Why wasn’t she here?” (referring to Moonflower)

Shedied, lamebrain, as you've spent half the chapter whining about.

“She felt angry enough to take on a whole family of foxes.”

So not only is she a world-class jerk, she’s stupid and reckless, too. I can totally see how she became leader. One might say character development happened, but still. This is not the cat who grew up to be Bluestar.

And then Sunfall comes along and saves her from committing suicide (she was staring into a fox den wanting to fight the foxes) and she is ungrateful.

““I wasn’t being reckless!”

OH REALLY NOW? WELL I AM TOTALLY CONVINCED, YUP.

Blah blah, they talk, Bratty feels better by the end of the chapter. Of course she does. At least Sunfall chews her out properly.

[cloudbat]

Gathering time!

“Dappletail ran her tail down the young apprentice’s spine…”

Dapplepelt today will be friendly with a 90% of completely wrong body language.

This is the Cloud network, thank you for listening to our ThunderClan Warrior predictions for today.

“Not a cloud dotted the blood-dark sky…”

Not that blood isn’t dark, but this just doesn’t make sense. This is night. The sky is black, not dark red. Wrong image.

“blue eyes flashed”

I am now imagining a little imp behind each cat’s eyeball turning a light on and off.

“Talltail’s eyes flashed toward the ThunderClan cats”

Talltail. He has a tail. That is tall. This amuses me for some reason.

“Cedarstar’s dark gray pelt glowed like polished stone”

I have never seen a cat pelt glowing. Never. Not once. Are these felines bioluminescent science lab escapees?

“Bluepaw felt Crookedpaw’s tail touch her cheek lightly”

Oh yeah, Crookedstar (then Crookedpaw) turned up. And is now a gray tabby instead of a brown one. He apparently likes Bratty just as much as his brother Oakheart will.

They talk. Bratty declares that she wants to be leader.

...why. She hasn't shown any inclination to do so before, none. This is entirely pulled out of the air with absolutely no meaning besides THE PLOT SAYS SO. Nor does she seem like a leaderly type; she's spent most of her time moping.

“She suddenly realized”

SUDDENLY, I didn't have any craps left to give.

“He flicked her flank with his tail”

Getting desiring, are you, Sunfall? No wonder he indulged her when she was a kit…

[cloudbat]

““A thaw’s coming,” Speckletail promised.”The wind smells less of ShadowClan pines and more of RiverClan. “

While Cloud is not an experienced ThunderClan warrior, she’d like to know what smells have to do with thaws.

“Goosefeather cared only about himself! Maybe if he cared more about his Clanmates, he wouldn’t have sent them into such a dangerous battle.”

All he’s doing is taking a mouse and eating it, which he has every right to do. One could argue she still hates him because Moonflower died in the battle he's essentially responsible for, but still. It’s a perfectly ordinary thing.

““It wasn’t his fault.” Sunfall’s mew made Bluepaw jump. “What wasn’t?” Sunfall blinked. “Moonflower’s death.” “I never said it was!” “But you think it.””

ThunderClan has proved their Stuness beyond a doubt by having a mind reader.

“Bluepaw looked away, unable to meet his gaze.”

Apparently mind reading only works if the mind reader has visual access to the optic nerve. Much like the Mesmer in Artemis Fowl.

After Bratty got mind zapped by Sunfall she heard her sister’s voice and another voice behind a bush and went to investigate. (Those of you with dirty minds, begone.)

She finds Thistlepaw grooming Snowpaw.

Cue angry Bratty.

Angry because she doesn’t like Thistlepaw and thinks he’s arrogant, therefore she doesn’t like that Snowpaw likes him. I am reminded of snobby clique girls in middle school.

They exchange some dialogue. Thistle and Snow exchange a look that pisses Bratty off, then Snow and Bratty chat, Thistle having departed for the land of the condemned.

“Snowpaw’s eyes flashed.”

Who here has seen eyes flashing? Anyone? I sure haven’t. Therefore I am apt to blame the Erin eyeball light-flashing imps.

“Bluepaw waited for Thistlepaw to explain that he was a hunter, not a leaf picker, but he leaped to his paws. “Yes, please!”

Tawnyspots (a gray tabby, wrongly named) and his apprentice Rosepaw (also badly named) were going out to gather leaves for the elders’ nests. They wanted Thistlepaw to come and he says yes.

Point for Thistlepaw for that and him not liking Bratty.

“He called to the ShadowClan deputy”

Of course, Sunfall had defected to the enemy’s side and Sparrowpelt knew it.

Typos are such fun, aren’t they?

“Bluepaw watched the patrol leave, felling hollow. No one had invited her. Sunfall had been right. She’d grown so bad-tempered lately, none of her Clanmates wanted to be with her.”

No. Freaking. Crap. Sherlock. Holmes. *sarcastic slow clap*

And guess what happens. No, she means it. Guess.

Bella, Bratpaw, gets invited for a training session. Of course, what kind of Sue would she be if she didn’t have instantaneous wish fulfillment?

“suddenly feeling more cheerful.”

The Erins should really be fined for how much they use that word.

““What do you want me to show them?” she asked Swiftbreeze.”

SHOW THEM YO MOVES, FOO.

“The tabby and white warrior tipped her head to one side. “We’ll start with Lionpaw.””

…as a fuzzy punching bag.

Ninja kung fu kitty training scene follows. The usual, just think Heather versus Holly except even more stupid.

Blah blah, everyone is great, they go home. ._. I would pay money to see a training session where all mistakes weren’t fixed in two seconds, like real life.

“Back in camp, the leaf-gathering patrol had returned with a pile of leaves as big as a hedgehog.”

Hedgehogs are…small. Ah well, I guess it’s big for cats.

““But she’ll be scarred for life!” Speckletail wailed.”

Lady, your kid is going to most likely get a bunch of scars before they retire/die. Why does she not know this? Why is she acting like a wussy kittypet? It’s just a little ear nick Bratty gave Goldenpaw by accident, anyway.

Also, scarred for life makes me think of Goldenpaw watching health education videos. Now THOSE are scarring.

“Something was wrong.”

…with this book. No, what’s wrong is that:

““Invasion!” Adderfang exploded into camp, his pelt bristling.”

BOOM! The resulting debris caused minor injuries and scrapes for various BlunderClanners.

“Thistlepaw’s eyes were sparkling with excitement”

I am really getting tired of eyes flashing, sparkling, glowing, and shining. It’s like a flipping light show, for crying out loud.

Anyway, RiverClan is invading Sunningrocks and Pinestar is making patrols and plans and such.

“the great slabs of stone turned red by the fiery sun sinking behind them.”

That’s right, folks. The sun just turned dark gray rocks red.

And ThunderClan attacks. –puts on SUPPORT RIVERCLAN t-shirt-

[Grey]

While Cloud is not an experienced ThunderClan warrior, she’d like to know what smells have to do with thaws.

This I can help with. It's just wind direction. If Shadowclan is set in the east and Riverclan is set in the west, a westerly wind will smell of Riverclan and you wouldn't be able to get a scent of Shadowclan anywhere, and vice versa if the wind direction changed.

I assume that the wind direction is typical of the season and area at certain times of the year. That could be one explanation, anyway.

[cloudbat]

Alright, I can accept that answer. The book just doesn't explain a thing.