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Post by Grey on Sept 30, 2012 21:26:27 GMT -6
None of the books do. It's frustrating. Everything is so superficial and disheartening like that; so much potential for world-building in general is thrown away. Things are mentioned once and then forgotten about, or just never even explained or explored in the first place.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 21:28:28 GMT -6
You read my mind. Now to go do more copy pasting and editing.
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Post by celestialsquared on Sept 30, 2012 21:32:17 GMT -6
I am really getting tired of eyes flashing, sparkling, glowing, and shining. It’s like a flipping light show, for crying out loud. I think it might seriously be a writing crutch. Like how some people use too many commas or semicolons. It appears almost everywhere.
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Post by Grey on Sept 30, 2012 21:36:22 GMT -6
Me. It's, like, the worst habit ever, you know, since you make really long sentences, and stuff, ehehehehe.
Editing?
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Post by celestialsquared on Sept 30, 2012 21:42:48 GMT -6
Me. It's, like, the worst habit ever, you know, since you make really long sentences, and stuff, ehehehehe. Oh believe me, my English professor recently chewed me out for that.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 21:48:46 GMT -6
Editing, as I look at some of the stuff I said (rather infantile remarks that were not funny at all) and cringe.
A writing crutch, indeed. Makes sense.
Pffff Grey, you goof.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 21:50:30 GMT -6
“They were blazing, lit by the sun and fury.”
Burning eyeballs has got to hurt.
“Crookedpaw. Relief flooded her.”
So she thinks that just because they were all cozy at the Gathering, they’re buddies now? Are you stupid, Bratty, or are you just super naïve?
Luckily, he attacks her.
“Bluepaw froze. He was going to attack!”
I am completely blown away by this stunning revelation.
“his eyes flashing”
Are their eyes flipping HEADLIGHTS for heaven’s sake?
“Suddenly a yowl sounded behind her.”
Le gasp. It is Snowpaw to the rescue, SUDDENLY! It must be important! And exciting!
There is some unrealistic fighting. I begin to regret how much I spent on this book.
“Bluepaw held her breath and trembled as the last RiverClan warriors paused on the ice at the edge of the river. Smashing down with their hind legs, they cracked the ice.”
Wait. What? No. No, no, no, no, no. That sounds completely wrong. From the description, I’m imagining that the RiverClan cats are jumping back paws first on the ice (impossible) and keep stomping up and down on it, still on their back legs. Not only is it ridiculous, it’s stupid.
“…when she saw her Clanmates. None lay lifeless on the rock.”
Of course no one died or is heavily injured. That only happens when it causes the main character angst or is a plot device.
“As the last rays of sun splashed the rock…”
No, it really says that. Splashed makes me think of water, not sun.
““No major injuries.””
Thank you for proving me right, Thrushpelt.
“Was the life of a warrior nothing more than an endless circle of fighting in answer to ancient quarrels?”
GASP a thought from her. While not particularly intelligent, it at least shows she’s not as violence-loving as Gramps was.
But there's also you know, hunting and training and stuff.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 21:55:34 GMT -6
“opening her mouth to taste the faint tang of newleaf”
Seasons have smells?
“Suddenly the squirrel sprang upward.”
Even though it’s actually appropriate here, it’s still highly overused.
“What would her Clanmates say if she spoke to a kittypet?”
…apparently she did not carry this worry into older age. Oh, and this is Firefail’s father (and Scourge’s) just so everyone knows. Say hello to Jake.
Angry Pinestar comes and takes Bratty away from Jake and the rest of the patrol back to camp.
“Bluepaw watched the mottled warrior”
She’s referring to Leopardfoot, who is in fact black. -.-
“tiptoed out of the den”
She’s going hunting with Snowpaw, and I find this funny because cats are always on tiptoe anyway.
“Suddenly Bluepaw caught a scent.”
I swear I’m going to tally up how many times that adverb has been used when I’m done with these.
They chase after a rabbit, which disappears into a burrow. The chapter ends with them debating whether to go after it or not, and since this was so short I'm just continuing into the next one.
Chapter 15
Bluepaw decides to follow the rabbit down its burrow. Brilliant.
“into the dark, airless earth.”
No air means she shouldn’t be able to breathe. Not breathing means she’s dead.
Zombie Bratpaw wants to eat your brains because she has none.
They come out of the burrow, and:
“She could smell rabbit. She could also smell blood. And the stench of fox.”
Besides the fact that that could’ve easily been one sentence, it’s just silly. It’s like saying, “In my general area, I could detect a nice meal, blood, and a deadly enemy.”
Anyway, the fox (which caught the rabbit) starts chasing them.
“She could hear it slither on leaves”
…furred animals don’t slither. Can the fox shape-shift, perhaps?
“It would never follow them down there!”
Why? It’s just a ravine. And no points if you predict what happens next.
“The fox had jumped down after them!”
Who is surprised? Vote? Show of hands?
Bluepaw decides she can’t let the fox reach camp and turns around to fight it. Exactly what I would do. Except not.
Lightning crackles like rice crispies and a burning branch falls down between her and the fox. The fox runs off.
Then it rains and the fire is put out. How convenient.
Goosefeather takes her to the medicine den.
Goosefeather says that the burning branch means that Bluepaw is fire and she will blaze through the forest. How he gets that, I don’t know. Also, this is sounding familiar.
As well as sounding like Bluepaw will burn down the territory with pyromania.
I’m sure that’s not what the Erins wanted us to think.
Then he says “But beware! Even the most powerful flames can be quenched by water.”
We all know Bluepaw dies by falling into the gorge river and almost drowning. So Goosefeather has made a Real Prophecy now.
What?
Before he was Mr. Crazypants and now he’s Mr. Seer.
So…he can be right…except when he’s wrong, or crazy, or it’s a plot device…wait, why is he their medicine cat again? –finally headdesks from the stupidity of it all-
Bluepaw tells Snowpaw about the prophecy, and Snowpaw says Goosefeather is crazy.
Bluepaw gets annoyed...because she wants to believe what a narcoleptic hobo says and ignore reason?
Snowpaw tries to discuss Thistlepaw, Bratty walks off. -.- Polite and mature, that's her.
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leah
Young Warrior
Awesomesauce%\1\%
Posts: 209
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Post by leah on Sept 30, 2012 22:07:16 GMT -6
It's funny because Vicky said this was the best book she worked on. I have no idea why.
Oh God, appearance inconsistencies are the worst.
Warriors drinking game (safe version; we use kool-aid instead) Drink half a glass everytime the word is used.
BECAUSE SNOWPAW CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS UNLESS BLUEPAW SAYS SO.
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Post by Grey on Sept 30, 2012 22:14:39 GMT -6
Two apprentices versus one fox is distinctly in favour of the fox for sure. Thing is, the fox just caught a rabbit. Most mammalian carnivores will not abandon one freshly caught meal to chase after another of approximately the same size (one apprentice would be about the size of a large rabbit, and the fox would know it couldn't catch both apprentices).
So I don't understand why this fox even did that. It just killed a rabbit and would have been going off to bury it or eat it in peace. Then come in these two blundering idiots and disturb it.
What should have happened was that they lost it entirely and ran away, and the fox picked up its rabbit and went on its merry way.
I just thought this was worth bringing up, because foxes - like most other animals - are not mindless killers or as bloodthirsty as some would be led to believe. They are economical in their every action (especially adult ones), because every action costs energy and that is not in an endless amount.
As it is, foxes catching rabbits isn't actually all that common, as rabbits are faster and highly-strung; it takes a lot of effort for a fox to sneak up enough to pounce on one. Or the rabbit was already injured or ailed in some way, and this fox is giving itself high-fives for being able to have a good meal without having to expend too much energy.
A fox chasing these two apprentices doesn't make much sense in the context of reality. Of course, this is a fantasy setting and foxes are "evil" and Erin Hunter wanted a (pointless) plot device to spice up the (equally as a pointless) story.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 22:32:25 GMT -6
To Pinkmon-
They are rather annoying.
But I don't like kool-aid. D: Can we use ginger ale?
And yep, clearly.
To Grey:
Hahahah that's an excellent point I've thought about before, but not in that much depth. Also, good point. Pointless plot device ftw.
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leah
Young Warrior
Awesomesauce%\1\%
Posts: 209
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Post by leah on Sept 30, 2012 22:49:36 GMT -6
Kool-aid is just my version. I'd totally do it, though I'd probably have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. People reading can use whatever the heck drink they want I guess. Once I used water bottles instead and I couldn't last five minutes with that, hehe.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 22:53:31 GMT -6
“Bluepaw, from this moment you will be known as Bluefur.”
Bratpaw, from this moment you will be known as Blue Sue.
Snowpaw becomes Snowfur, happy snuggly moment blah blah blah.
Leopardfoot is expecting Pinestar’s kits, this is notable because the only one to survive to adulthood is the ever-infamous Tigerstar.
““It’s been moons since anyone attacked my tail.” he’d rasped wistfully.”
This is Muttering Toes (Mumblefoot the elder) here, and I find this odd. He enjoys having his tail attacked by kits? If that’s not weird I don’t know what is. That’d be like me missing preschoolers trying to pinch me or something.
“Suddenly nervous”
About going to the warriors’ den after your vigil? Do you expect be attacked by dandruff?
Blue Sue and her sister go to sleep and when they wake up are chastised for sleeping late by Sunfall. Jubilation!
“Leaf gathering! Bluefur’s heart sank. This was going to be as disappointing as her first day as an apprentice.”
Hasn’t changed much, has she?
But she cheers up when she learns that they’re actually going to be Featherwhisker’s escorts when he goes herb picking. Heaven forbid she have to do something she doesn’t want to.
“She wondered what Featherwhisker had felt when he had been told that he would be spending his time as an apprentice in a medicine den rather than in the sandy hollow.”
…oh gar help me. She’s so ignorant that she thinks cats are forced to be medicine cats, not because they choose to be? How nice that she assumes Featherwhiser was forced to be a healer, it’s like she thinks medicine cats are inferior. And the next line is just classic:
““What a shame you’re not a warrior too.” she commented.”
Yes, it’d be such a shame if he didn’t know to cure his Clanmates and be a full medicine cat once Mr. Crazypants dies. Real smart thinking there Blue Sue.
““How did you learn to hunt?” Bluefur gasped.”
What, does she think all medicine cats are useless except for treating wounds and just catch flies with their open mouths the rest of the time? It’s not that amazing that he knows how to hunt. Featherwhisker just caught a mouse, which is why she’s all “GASPETH!”
The only other thing of note is that Blue Sue sees Pinestar talking to Jake, and of course she’s confused as to why he’s doing that. I am not, but that’s probably because I’ve read the book.
Chapter 17
“…the great oaks of Fourtrees swished with leaves.”
While I know what the Erins are trying to portray here, I still imagine the trees swishing around with the leaves as their dance partners.
“Whiteberry”
-imagines a tiny white spherical cat with a stem that grew from a bush-
“Ottersplash”
Unless this cat has splashes of fur on them that look like otters, this name makes no sense. Esepcially because the cat is ginger and white, and otters are brown. Double fail.
And we learn Crookedpaw has become Crookedjaw. Whoo. Oh yeah, they’re at a Gathering, if you hadn’t guessed. Pinestar causes unnecessary tension. They go home.
Next day, Blue Sue wakes up and Pinestar tells her that he’s taking her to the Moonstone because he forgot to when she was an apprentice. Snore.
“It looked strange in the sunlight - dull and lifeless without the moon’s glow.”
It’s a rock, you idiot. It’s not supposed to look like it has life in it.
“Reedfeather”
While I may not like the suffix –feather, at least it sort of makes sense when it’s used with a bird prefix. This is just stupid.
They reach Mothermouth.
““It’s time.””
TO DANCE!
Well, no. Time to enter the Cave of the Sparklestone.
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Post by mistytail on Sept 30, 2012 23:30:38 GMT -6
I thought a reed was a plant? According to Grey's blog it is. So unless plants have gone a step further than Audrey II and can now fly, that name is now infinitely more ridiculous.
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Post by cloudbat on Sept 30, 2012 23:52:13 GMT -6
I kind of adore you now for referencing Little Shop of Horrors. I did so earlier this evening/morning.
And yes. Yes it is.
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