Post by crow on Jan 28, 2017 11:29:03 GMT -6
(note: this is cross-posted from my account on felinefiction since I would like as much feedback as possible!)
Hello! I've been planning some stuff for a potential fanfiction, and I was wondering If I could get some feedback?
It's about the clans of a region called The Fallen Moon, because they all surround a crescent-shaped lake that reflects the moon. Each clan is a little different culturally from each other, and there are some minor differences between how they work compared to the canon clans. (For example, they believe StarClan actually has a leader, who is Moonstar, whom they worship like a goddess.)
I threw together a map on inkarnate for their territory:
As you can see, there are four clans on this territory; SunClan, DuskClan, CreekClan, and MistClan.
SunClan is a bit more militant, and they value battle skills over pretty much everything else. However, they aren't bloodthirsty or anything like that, in fact, they have a great sense of honor and pride, and so they mostly use their battle skills to defend their territory (and their aforementioned pride)
DuskClan values intellect and obeying the rules above all. Their medicine cats also function as 'researchers', since they generally have a lot of downtime (DuskClan cats have a reputation for being hardy and healthy) that are tasked with finding out as much as possible about the world around them. They live in an abandoned twoleg factory, and actually have a rudimentary language (the other clans are familiar with it and can read it, but aren't very good at it) which they use to record their findings about the world to ensure they are not lost to future generations.
CreekClan is a clan of pretty laid-back and chill cats. They rarely get into fights, due to their lush territory being filled with both fish from the streams, and rabbits in the moors fulfilling most of their needs. However, they're a bit mischievous and rude to other clans, due to their lack of struggles leaving them very child-like even into adulthood.
MistClan is the most deeply religious of all of the clans, likely influenced by the fact that the clans' connection to StarClan, the StarView Tower, being on their territory. The medicine cats serve a secondary role in this clans of teaching all kits from 3 to 6 moons all of the religious stories and myths of the clans. However, MistClan cats generally tend to look down upon cats of other clans due to what they see as 'laziness' in regard to their religious practices (or lack thereof)
The main characters would be three siblings in SunClan, Crowkit, Icekit, and Puddlekit. I don't want to reveal to much about the plot (esp since most of it is still a work in progress!) but I do have the allegiances done for SunClan!
Leader:
Ashenstar - A nervous tom who was formerly a medicine cat. He became leader due to greencough taking both the current leader and deputy.
Deputy:
Stonewhisker - A self-assured and confident mollie who is considered a perfect foil to Ashenstar. They are also siblings.
Medicine Cats:
Dapplewing - A kind, but quite cynical and snarky young mollie. Was a warrior before becoming a medicine cat.
Apprentice:
Featherpaw - A very shy but sweet young tom. Very close to getting his medicine cat name. Ashenstar and Mintfur's son, Ripplepaw and Birchpaw's brother.
Warriors:
Rabbitstripe - A very energetic young warrior. Needlefang's brother, Fogpelt's son.
Hollyheart - A plucky young molly who often cracks jokes. Petalbreeze's daughter, Swiftpelt's sister.
Swiftpelt - A grumpy young tom who is actually quite shy and easily embarrassed. Petalbreeze's son, Hollyheart's brother.
Fogpelt - A quiet, lonely tom who doesn't like to talk very much. Rabbitstripe and Needlefang's father.
Mintfur - A sweet and motherly cat, but has little tolerance for nonsense (unless it's just normal kit-play) and is very direct. Ashenstar's mate, Featherpaw's mother.
Russetstorm - Stoic and serious, and quite strict. Used to be wild as a younger warrior, and is now embarrassed to discuss those days. Foxkit and Turtlekit's father.
Needlefang - A somewhat bossy and childishly petty mollie, but she'll probably grow out of it. Rabbitstripe's sister, Fogpelt's daughter.
Shimmerpelt - A rather rowdy mollie, but endlessly determined and perseverant.
Petalbreeze - A kind but rather spacy mollie. Generally has a poor memory. Hollyheart and Swiftpelt's mother.
Brightstream - A former kittypet who's quite naive, but loyal as end-all to her clan, and a bit touchy about her kittypet origins.
Apprentices:
Birchpaw - A rather negative and bitter young tom, and likely the future founder of feline-nihilism. Mintfur and Ashenstar's son,Ripplepaw and Featherpaw's brother.
Galepaw - A hotheaded and risk-taking young tom, but he's very friendly and amiable to his clanmates, even a bit dorky. Stonewhisker's only son.
Ripplepaw - A bit stuck up and bitter mollie with a bit of a faux superiority complex. Deep down, she's very insecure. Mintfur and Ashenstar's daughter, Birchpaw and Featherpaw's sister.
Queens:
Snowflower - A very strange and out-there mollie who often says nonsensical things, but is very quiet and understanding. Mother to Crowkit, Icekit, and Puddlekit.
Redfoot - A rough-around-the-edges and gruff mollie, but has a soft spot deep inside her. Mother to Foxkit and Turtlekit.
Kits (pictured as adults):
Crowkit - A hopeless braggart, but really a big dork. Can be a bit cowardly at times. Icekit and Puddlekit's brother, Snowflower's son.
Icekit - Very stiff in conversation, and incredibly awkward socially. Crowkit and Puddlekit's brother, Snowflower's son.
Puddlekit - Gloomy, and not very confident in herself, and desperately wants to be good enough. Crowkit and Icekit's sister, Snowflower's daughter.
Foxkit - The largest of all of the kits. As an adult, he looks intimidating, but really he's just a big fuzzy softie. Redfoot's son, Turtlekit's brother.
Turtlekit - An idealistic mollie who loves to craft and tell romantic stories. Redfoot's daughter, Foxkit's sister.
Elders:
Harefoot - A grumpy old mollie who loves to complain, but secretly has a soft spot for kits.
Ratfur - A sincere old tom who is essentially like a dad to everyone. Loves to tell cheesy stories. Redfoot's father.
I made all of the pixels myself, btw! I may release this little base to be free for use at some point
So, any feedback so far? I'll probably do the other three clans soon!
Hello! I've been planning some stuff for a potential fanfiction, and I was wondering If I could get some feedback?
It's about the clans of a region called The Fallen Moon, because they all surround a crescent-shaped lake that reflects the moon. Each clan is a little different culturally from each other, and there are some minor differences between how they work compared to the canon clans. (For example, they believe StarClan actually has a leader, who is Moonstar, whom they worship like a goddess.)
I threw together a map on inkarnate for their territory:
As you can see, there are four clans on this territory; SunClan, DuskClan, CreekClan, and MistClan.
SunClan is a bit more militant, and they value battle skills over pretty much everything else. However, they aren't bloodthirsty or anything like that, in fact, they have a great sense of honor and pride, and so they mostly use their battle skills to defend their territory (and their aforementioned pride)
DuskClan values intellect and obeying the rules above all. Their medicine cats also function as 'researchers', since they generally have a lot of downtime (DuskClan cats have a reputation for being hardy and healthy) that are tasked with finding out as much as possible about the world around them. They live in an abandoned twoleg factory, and actually have a rudimentary language (the other clans are familiar with it and can read it, but aren't very good at it) which they use to record their findings about the world to ensure they are not lost to future generations.
CreekClan is a clan of pretty laid-back and chill cats. They rarely get into fights, due to their lush territory being filled with both fish from the streams, and rabbits in the moors fulfilling most of their needs. However, they're a bit mischievous and rude to other clans, due to their lack of struggles leaving them very child-like even into adulthood.
MistClan is the most deeply religious of all of the clans, likely influenced by the fact that the clans' connection to StarClan, the StarView Tower, being on their territory. The medicine cats serve a secondary role in this clans of teaching all kits from 3 to 6 moons all of the religious stories and myths of the clans. However, MistClan cats generally tend to look down upon cats of other clans due to what they see as 'laziness' in regard to their religious practices (or lack thereof)
The main characters would be three siblings in SunClan, Crowkit, Icekit, and Puddlekit. I don't want to reveal to much about the plot (esp since most of it is still a work in progress!) but I do have the allegiances done for SunClan!
Leader:
Ashenstar - A nervous tom who was formerly a medicine cat. He became leader due to greencough taking both the current leader and deputy.Deputy:
Stonewhisker - A self-assured and confident mollie who is considered a perfect foil to Ashenstar. They are also siblings.Medicine Cats:
Dapplewing - A kind, but quite cynical and snarky young mollie. Was a warrior before becoming a medicine cat.Apprentice:
Featherpaw - A very shy but sweet young tom. Very close to getting his medicine cat name. Ashenstar and Mintfur's son, Ripplepaw and Birchpaw's brother.Warriors:
Rabbitstripe - A very energetic young warrior. Needlefang's brother, Fogpelt's son.Hollyheart - A plucky young molly who often cracks jokes. Petalbreeze's daughter, Swiftpelt's sister.Swiftpelt - A grumpy young tom who is actually quite shy and easily embarrassed. Petalbreeze's son, Hollyheart's brother.Fogpelt - A quiet, lonely tom who doesn't like to talk very much. Rabbitstripe and Needlefang's father.Mintfur - A sweet and motherly cat, but has little tolerance for nonsense (unless it's just normal kit-play) and is very direct. Ashenstar's mate, Featherpaw's mother.Russetstorm - Stoic and serious, and quite strict. Used to be wild as a younger warrior, and is now embarrassed to discuss those days. Foxkit and Turtlekit's father.Needlefang - A somewhat bossy and childishly petty mollie, but she'll probably grow out of it. Rabbitstripe's sister, Fogpelt's daughter.Shimmerpelt - A rather rowdy mollie, but endlessly determined and perseverant. Petalbreeze - A kind but rather spacy mollie. Generally has a poor memory. Hollyheart and Swiftpelt's mother.Brightstream - A former kittypet who's quite naive, but loyal as end-all to her clan, and a bit touchy about her kittypet origins.Apprentices:
Birchpaw - A rather negative and bitter young tom, and likely the future founder of feline-nihilism. Mintfur and Ashenstar's son,Ripplepaw and Featherpaw's brother.Galepaw - A hotheaded and risk-taking young tom, but he's very friendly and amiable to his clanmates, even a bit dorky. Stonewhisker's only son.Ripplepaw - A bit stuck up and bitter mollie with a bit of a faux superiority complex. Deep down, she's very insecure. Mintfur and Ashenstar's daughter, Birchpaw and Featherpaw's sister.Queens:
Snowflower - A very strange and out-there mollie who often says nonsensical things, but is very quiet and understanding. Mother to Crowkit, Icekit, and Puddlekit.Redfoot - A rough-around-the-edges and gruff mollie, but has a soft spot deep inside her. Mother to Foxkit and Turtlekit.Kits (pictured as adults):
Crowkit - A hopeless braggart, but really a big dork. Can be a bit cowardly at times. Icekit and Puddlekit's brother, Snowflower's son.Icekit - Very stiff in conversation, and incredibly awkward socially. Crowkit and Puddlekit's brother, Snowflower's son.Puddlekit - Gloomy, and not very confident in herself, and desperately wants to be good enough. Crowkit and Icekit's sister, Snowflower's daughter.Foxkit - The largest of all of the kits. As an adult, he looks intimidating, but really he's just a big fuzzy softie. Redfoot's son, Turtlekit's brother.Turtlekit - An idealistic mollie who loves to craft and tell romantic stories. Redfoot's daughter, Foxkit's sister.Elders:
Harefoot - A grumpy old mollie who loves to complain, but secretly has a soft spot for kits.Ratfur - A sincere old tom who is essentially like a dad to everyone. Loves to tell cheesy stories. Redfoot's father.I made all of the pixels myself, btw! I may release this little base to be free for use at some point
So, any feedback so far? I'll probably do the other three clans soon!
What I have so far is that before the clans, there were many cats at the lake that lived in an uneasy peace under the rule of four siblings; Mist, Sunbeam, Dusk, and Creek. However, the siblings clashed due to a difference in ideals. Sunbeam believed that strength, honor, and organization is what made cats different than other creatures, Mist believed that the key to peace was to ensure the forces above were pleased through religious practices, Dusk believed that the rules must be followed lest cats become corrupt, and Creek believed that happiness should be the end goal of all of their lives. Couple that with different hunting grounds that each one preferred, and then you have clans 