Skyclan's Destiny

[cinder]

Hello, everyone. I'm new to the forum and just decided to jump into it. This was inspired by the other threads on this forum.

As you can see, I did not capitalize the "c" in "clan". I think that it has been both, for example, Thunderclan and ThunderClan in the books, but if I'm wrong please correct me!

On to the prologue. I always skipped the prologue in these books.

And the weird names have already begun! I think Fallensnow is my favorite one so far. Why would you name your kit Fallenkit?

"Kittypets? You want to be kittypets? Skyclan warriors will never do that! It would be the greatest shame of all!"

Hahahaha! If you haven't read the book yet, keep this quote in mind. As always, the prologue is difficult to get through at best. Sure, it provided some background, but it's repeated throughout the book. It's unnecessary and the book would've been fine without it.

Leafstar has a dream about flooding and we get a bit of a description of what's going on in the camp.

Tangle was a bad-tempered old rogue who stopped in the gorge now and then to eat before going back to his den in the forest...Leafstar hoped she would convince him to stay permanently in the camp.

Lichenfur had lived alone in the woods..."She has wisdom to teach the clan," Leafstar mewed softly from the ledge. "Every Clan needs its elders."

Eh, I don't know if I agree. In the other four clans, being an elder is a cat's reward for serving their clan for their lives. They pass down clan tradition, stories, and culture. They have wisdom that's relevant to life in a clan.

These two cats have not served Skyclan, and they don't have much knowledge about clan life. All they bring to Skyclan is two more mouths to feed.

More stuff about the clan, and Nettlekit falls into the river. He's saved, of course. One problem Erin Hunter's books have in general is that I'm never unsure of what's going to happen.

A warrior ceremony is about to occur, Leafstar says she's waiting for "the others" and Sharpclaw convinces her to go through it without them. Cherrytail speaks out of turn and Leafstar doesn't scold her, and Leafstar's inability to do this will become pretty annoying in the book.

On the subject of names, we get Bouncefire, Rockshade and Tinycloud. Rock is the only good prefix, while cloud is the only good suffix. I feel like Erin Hunter was trying to be cute with the first two names- I guess you could say fire "bounces", and rocks give shade! How clever.

"Tinycloud!" The white she-cat's voice rose indignantly above the rest. "I'm not tiny anymore. I thought I'd be big enough to have a different name."

And that's why you don't name your kit with the prefix "Tiny". On a different note, this was disrespectful. Cats interrupting their naming ceremony will happen quite frequently.

Leafstar and Clovertail comfort Tinycloud, telling her that even though she has a bad name, she can do great things!

[Clovertail] would never be a great hunter or fighter, but she kept the nursery clean and well ordered.

There are too many cats like this in the series. I understand one popping up, but there's at least two more I can think of off the top of my head. Keeping the nursery clean and being nice aren't enough to justify being fed by the clan when you're a young warrior. Maybe if you're an old queen and don't want to go the elder's den, but that's not Clovertail's situation. Apprentices or the medicine cat could easily keep the nursery clean.

Blah blah some thoughts about Rainfur, some stuff about Cloudwatcher and Firestar, the end of chapter one.

Please feel free to critique me and tell me what you think. I'd be happy to make changes!

[leah]

I'm laughing so hard over here. This is hilarious; Skyclan's Destiny is such a terrible book. ahahaha.

However, I had a small problem with one thing you said.

Rock is the only good prefix, while cloud is the only good suffix.

This depends entirely on your naming system. In the case of Traditionalism, Tiny- would also be a good prefix. Though it's not advised since the smallest kit of a litter could easily grow to be quite a large cat, as you said, but size prefixes can sometimes work. Although it's better to use a size prefix that is for both size AND color in case of size changes, like Ant- for a small black cat, who may end up being a large black cat, and it still works. Also, in my own naming system, I think -fire is okay, but that's just personal opinion and somewhat unrelated. I'm saying this because, actually, a lot of people found this site through Ailuronymy, where Tiny- is perfectly acceptable, thus making Tinycloud a would-be good name if the cat were still small. Also, I'm not saying you should just suddenly be all accepting of the prefix now because it's your personal naming system. However, your wording made it sound like you're in the right when you say that Tiny- is not a good prefix. Like people who do think Tiny- is perfectly fine are in the wrong. Which they're not; there's no right or wrong with Warrior names. Just personal opinion.

(Which is why, when I redo Forest of Secrets, whenever that may be, I'm not going to say anything about the names.)

that's all I really had to say. this is a really good critique you've started and you should really continue. (: