Post by cloudbat on Dec 30, 2012 23:24:04 GMT -6
The ugly older sibling of the Bluestar Diaries, who is now being dusted off and cleaned up. This one was finished long before I ever started BP, it's just terrible in quality.
No more!
I hope. Anywhatsadoodle let's get started.
PROLOGUE
“Yellowfang sniffed at the fresh-kill and jerked backwards. She rubbed her paw against her broad, flat muzzle as the dark shadow of a flea scuttled across her nose.
“I thought these hunting grounds would be safe from fleas!”
1. No one likes you, Yellowfang, you've been the consigned acceptable target since book one. You should know this by now. Phantom fleas are the least of your problems.
2. She’s been dead since book 4, you'd think she'd have noticed by now. StarClan, I so envy your powers of observance and um...wisdom. Right.
““When will you learn to groom yourself?””
I...what. Yellowfang's a cat, last time I checked. All cats know how to groom themselves. Also shut up Spottedleaf, I would bet a medicine cat with ten times your experience and half your sueness doesn't want to be patronized by you. Gtfo.
““When you stop trying to take care of every cat,””
Spottedleaf. Stahp. I know it's down in your contract that you have to be the most insufferable sue ever, but I think you're overdoing it.
“”Bad luck” she sympathized. “I didn’t think there were any fleas here.”
Silly Bluestar, StarClan doesn't discriminate against bloodsucking plague spreader ghosts.
“”They each seem to be figuring out their path at last.””
The ones you shoehorned them into for your own sadistic reasons?
““These kits were born into ThunderClan! They have been raised as loyal ThunderClan warriors. Why should they feel responsibility towards any other Clan?”
They are half WindClan, just sayin'. And they're really only a quarter ThunderClan and another quarter house cat. If you argue solely by blood, they're more WindClan than anything.
Also, Jaypaw is a medicine cat and they have the whole "help everyone" shizz going on. Although he did want to be a warrior. But you and your allies bullied him into accepting his... "destiny." Barf.
“Helpless even to protect ourselves”
Protected from what?
Phantom fleas?
As far as I can see they're the biggest threat around here.
Maybe I missed the phantom flying chainsaw badgers.
Chapter 1
“A cold wind rolling”
Wind can roll? I thought it swooshed or blew or something.
“shabby green”
How can a color be shabby?
“Why any cat would want to stay in the mountains when they could live by the lake.”
Hollypaw, all of the Tribe cats except for three haven’t even been to the lake, and even then you think they’re just automatically going to love it and want to stay? And even if all the Tribe cats randomly decided to move to the lake, it would be kind of crowded for all of the other Clans. I don’t think you want that.
““Brook must feel the same way about the mountains as I do about my home.””
Detective Hollypaw, I am absolutely stunned by this brilliant deduction.
““Lionpaw flicked Hollypaw’s flank with his tail.””
That’s some flexible tail there.
““We’ve got to figure out exactly what this prophecy means!””
And how may I ask will you do this? And why? I think you can still fulfill it without knowing every tiny detail there is to know. That’s kind of the point of a prophecy.
““You know Jaypaw and his visions””
What the beeping-? This isn’t a vision it’s a prophecy, you dimwits.
““They sound great, but we have to live in the real world.””
Your world is nowhere close to even being realistic, chickie.
““We’ll be able to do anything!””
Erm, aren’t you contradicting yourself here Holly? You just said that you needed to figure out exactly what the prophecy meant and now you’re acting like you know. Ah inconsistency, how the Erins adore thee.
““How could you say such a thing?””
Oh no, how could Lionpaw ever challenge the all-knowing code? Hollypaw, your grandpa broke it several times and I don’t see you lecturing him. But maybe you don’t know he’s capable of having flaws.
“How would she know what she was supposed to do if it came to a choice between her own safety and her Clan’s”
...you follow the expletive code?
I'm pretty sure there's a rule in there saying "defend your Clan with your life."
Preeeeeetty sure.
“Squirrelflight still saw them as kits.”
Oh stop complaining.
“kits didn’t have to worry about having more power than their warrior ancestors”
Sure they would. They’re going to have to grow up one day, after all. What's the point of worrying about it when you don't even know exactly what it entails?
““Why did you get in the way?” Breezepaw! The black WindClan apprentice was shaking out his fur beside her. “I almost had that mouse!” “Sorr-“ She began to apologize, then bristled. Why didn’t the dumb furball look where he was going?””
Hello, he can’t change direction mid-pounce. At least not to my knowledge.
““Of course she is! She’d be even better if she were hunting like we were supposed to, instead of getting in my way.””
Breezepaw gets brownie points.
““ThunderClan cats think they’re so special””
They are special.
Special ed.
/badum-ch
“Jaypaw is already making predictions about trouble in other Clans, too.”
Wait what? Why haven’t we seen this before?
“How could she be scared of her own brother?”
I can think of many reasons.
Chapter 2
“The skin’s grazed but not bleeding. But you already knew that.”
Ah, the poorly disguised exposition we all know and loathe.
“some mouse-brained comment about how well he had coped with the unfamiliar territory.”
So you’re going to be annoyed if she praises you? Jerkface, thy name is well deserved.
““Nice pigeon.” Crowfeather mewed to Lionpaw. Breezepaw stiffened in anger.””
Don't feel too bad, Breezepaw, their daddy issues will turn out to be ten times worse than yours. Namely because you have the same dad.
“By accepting fresh-kill, they were openly admitting their weakness”
I can see why they might not like to do that, but it’s hardly going to matter to their FRIENDS, who caught it for them in the first place and hardly be ones to attack them.
“Brook bristled. “Wolves.””
Why have we not heard of wolves before in the mountains? Why the heck didn’t one of them finish off Sharptooth, or prey on the Tribe themselves? I mean honestly.
“Imagine having such a sour-tongued warrior (Crowfeather) for a father. I’m glad I’m not Breezepaw!
That would be terrible. I sure do hope the authors don't spring a last minute asspull like that.
“Brambleclaw led the way down the hill, Breezepaw at his heels, while Crowfeather had already caught up and was flanking Tawnypelt, keeping to the outside of the group. Squirrelflight padded alone, while Hollypaw and Lionpaw trotted behind.”
This may seem like nitpicking, but how in sanity’s name does he know all this?I know he can hear well, but that well to tell exactly where every cat is, precisely what their pawsteps sound like, and how tell them apart? I guess he’s Just That Special.
“Is the prophecy really meant for a cat who can’t see?”
Where did all that “I can do anything” spirit go, Jerkface? Don't go OOC on me now.
Chapter 3
“He cleared the gorge in one easy jump, landing on the ridge beyond. His claws scraped the rock, holding his paws firm. He leaped again, light as air, the breath hardly stirring in his chest. His tail seemed to brush the pelt-soft sky and, with the blood rushing in his ears, he lifted his chin and yowled, his voice echoing like thunder around the empty mountains. I have the power of the stars in my paws!”
Or you’re really huge, deny the laws of physics, and are on kitty steroids. Just a thought.
“And neither of them had asked about his journey to the mountains. He stared angrily around the camp. No cat seemed the slightest bit interested in his return.”
Aren’t you a bit self-centered? Did you expect everyone to clamor around you and beg at your paws for details?
“Or did she think their matching snow-colored pelts would scare away all the prey as soon as they set foot under the trees?”
Then why even bother going out if you’re like a great big danger sign? Or two?
Or maybe they've never heard of the revolutionary tactic called "hiding."
“It took me ages to get it right”
Didn’t Sir Gary Stu catch a vole on his first day as an apprentice? I would not call maybe an hour or two ages. Maybe his perception of time is screwed up, it would not surprise me.
“Looking down at Icepaw’s glowing eyes, Lionpaw felt as if he were being asked to give up an entire way of life—and one that suited him very well.”
How do her eyes remind you of the prophecy? What is the connection here? I’m not seeing it, whatever it is.
“Icepaw padded beside him, her small catch tripping her as she tried to match his pace. “I wish my legs weren’t so short” she complained, her words muffled by vole fur.”
Icepaw must be one short cat, if a vole can trip her up. The vole is about, what, two inches long and one inch thick or so? The book specifically states it’s a small vole. Even a cat a little over six moons can carry a vole and not trip. So either Icepaw is about six inches tall, or that vole is genetically mutated and huge and the cats’ size perception is way off.
“Icepaw lifted her chin. “I got it first try!””
How in logic’s name would you have had a second try? If you’d missed, the vole would have bolted down its hole, not wait around for you to try again, Icepaw dear.
““No cat must know! Not when we don’t know exactly what this prophecy means.””
Oh no, they’re totally going to read you the riot act if you don’t know exactly what this huge mysterious prophecy means. Hollypaw, I think you’re just a little bit paranoid/obsessive about this.
“Icepaw was trotting from the fresh-kill pile with her little vole swinging from her jaws.”
Hang on a moment-weren’t we just told she couldn’t walk with it without tripping? Or did Icepaw randomly have a lightning-fast growth spurt? Or did the vole shrink? It’s a mystery.
“Lionpaw watched his brother. He seemed completely different from the resentful young cat who had never wanted to be a medicine cat’s apprentice. And yet he’s more powerful than any of his Clanmates.”
Yo, he’s had three full books to develop. Dontcha think he might have changed a bit? And Lionpaw, no, he’s not really more powerful than you. You’re a member of the prophecy just like he is. You are his equal. –headdesk-
“Would the frustration gnawing in his own belly cease with time, once he’d gotten used to the prophecy, as Jaypaw had done?”
Probably. Don’t see why you’re upset anyway. Thought you liked this whole shebang, being super powerful and all.
““Isn’t he going to mention how I fought?” he hissed under his breath.”
Yeah, you and the other two apprentices who fought, remember?
Lionpaw, I know you inherit jerkwad-ness from both sides of your family, but that's not an excuse.
““Cloudtail found a hive in a hollow trunk while we were patrolling near the abandoned Twolegplace,” Cinderpaw explained. “He managed to get his paw in and grab a chunk of honeycomb.” Did he get stung?” Foxpaw mewed. “Only once.”
I find it difficult to believe he only got stung once, sticking his paw into a beehive.
“One day all the honey in the forest would be his.”
I'm quaking in my boots at the mere thought of this dread power. Grim shall be the day when Lionpaw rules all honey.
““Not joining in with the honey feast?” Lionpaw whispered. “Let them enjoy it,” he whispered back. Suddenly feeling less alone, Lionpaw closed his eyes and slipped into sleep.”
Snobs.
““We’re not concerned with past battles,” Tigerstar mewed briskly. “Only battles to come.” Lionpaw narrowed his eyes. This sounded like an excuse to him. They couldn’t see me in the mountains!”
…He makes a big deal out of what Tigerstar says, which happens to be perfectly logical. He’s probably just worried about this because if they didn’t see him they won’t be able to fall over in their race to adore him, like he thinks they should.
Barf.
““But don’t you want to hear about the mountain cats?” Tigerstar lashed his tail. “They’re no concern of mine.” He’s not interested!”
I wouldn’t be interested either. Maybe because I’ve read the book, but maybe because Lionpaw is such a jerk I don’t give a crap.
“Well, he certainly didn’t know everything about Lionpaw.”
Is Tigerstar supposed to? I don’t think you want him stalking you.
Chapter 4
“He turned and dashed towards the den entrance as Daisy raced in. He smelled fear on her pelt and the lash of a flailing paw as she hurried past him.”
Um….how did you not bonk heads cartoon style and fall over with x’d-out eyes and little stars floating around your heads? It’s a small medicine cave.
“He was chasing a bee and jumped straight into the nettle patch,” Daisy panted after setting down Toadkit.”
That is one dumb kit, if he can’t see he’s about to jump into a fricking nettle patch.
“…Jaypaw tripped over her tail. He stumbled to a clumsy halt at the store entrance..”
Jaypaw, tripping means you FALL OVER. Comprende?
““Thanks, Jaypaw.” Toadkit’s grateful mew took him by surprise.”
Because you’re never grateful yourself?
“But the coltsfoot in her paws grew more fragrant, as though her pads were twitching with unease.”
Uh….how would her pads twitching make the herb more fragrant? Unless Leafpool’s pads are made of coltsfoot, and her twitching them wafts the scent like perfume. But that would make it difficult to walk, methinks.
““But they didn’t try to help the Tribe beat the invaders.”
He’s talking about the Tribe of Endless Hunting.
Last time I checked they were dead.
So they're supposed to help how?
“Yet she had sounded so bright when talking to Cloudtail. Unnaturally bright, as though covering doubt.”
What. Leafpool just told Cloudtail that Cinderpaw was definitely ready for her final assessment. If Leafpool really cared about Cinderpaw, she would’ve checked on her (healed from being broken) leg. But no, her excuse is that Cinderpaw will follow her ~*destiny.*~
The spawn of Firestar are just so expletive hateable.
Chapter 5
“Leafpool was sharing a mouse with Cloudtail when Jaypaw nosed his way out of the medicine den and padded to the fresh-kill pile.”
I guess the Erins are just trying to be descriptive when they say he “nosed” his way out of the den because he can’t see, but that still doesn’t stop me thinking of him walking along with his nose pressed to the ground.
“He whisked his tail along Jaypaw’s flank.”
Return of the supertails.The sequel, tickets now half price!
““You’ve got a more important job. Leafpool wants you to come with us to gather herbs.” Great. Jaypaw suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore.”
So Jerkface is unhappy just because he has to gather herbs and doesn’t get to hunt. Well let’s think about what he’s been doing for the past three books, hmmm, maybe GATHERING HERBS a lot of the time? Why would he suddenly be all angsty about it now?
Right, he's a selfish ingrate who wouldn't be happy if he got the whole world handed to him on a plate. Got it.
“The woods were drowsy with heat”
Wait…trees need to sleep? I didn’t know that.
“If anyone catches us,” Hollypaw mewed, “we can just say we were just trying to get some tips before our own assessment. No warrior could object to that.””
Yes, they could. You’re not doing anything productive, not to mention possibly breaking the code. Though I don’t see how you’re “picking up tips” by watching them. They hunt pretty much the same way you do. Except they aren’t stus/sues.
““Where are you going?” Leafpool’s mew startled him as he headed for the den entrance. “I left some leaves behind,” he lied.”
Why did you even need to do that.
““But Poppypaw looks as calm as a vixen.”
….how do they know that female foxes are particularly calm? And why would they be? These books inaccurately portray foxes as bloodthirsty monsters anyway.
““Where shall I hunt?” Honeypaw mewed nervously. “Trust your instinct,” Poppypaw advised.”
Knowing the territory might also help. Which I think she does, as she’s an experienced apprentice.
“The air was suddenly thick with pain.”
What. I know Jaypaw's an empath, but this just doesn't make any sense.
“Waves of agony flooded from Cinderpaw’s injured leg.”
Yes, I know she’s most likely in great agony, but Jerkface can sense pain waves now?
Note to the Erins: Giving him more powers does not make him more likable. At all. In any way.
“Cloudtail scrabbled onto the trunk, pushing Hollypaw to one side. “I knew she wasn’t ready!”
Then why, in StarClan’s stupid name, didn’t you freaking insist to Leafpool so instead of accepting her weak assurances and strolling out? You IDIOT, Cloudtail.
““We need to get her back to camp,” Jaypaw told him. “Hollypaw, you go on ahead and warn Leafpool.”
Hollypaw hesitated, not wanting to leave her friend.”
Hollypaw. Sitting on your tail beside her isn’t doing anything. Going to warn the medicine cat so she’ll be ready to treat your friend is. –headdeskheaddeskheaddesk-
““You shouldn’t have told Cloudtail she was ready for her assessment.””
For once I agree with Jerkface.
““That’s not for you to judge.” Leafpool’s voice quavered.”
Why?
““You didn’t even watch a training session to make sure she was fully fit.”
...
Really?
Really?
You know a character is stupid when even JAYPAW can point out what they've done wrong.
““You can’t always do the right thing. No matter how much you want to.” “I know.” Grief pulsed from his mentor, sharper and deeper than Jaypaw expected. “But I’ll always try.”
Barf. Go away, Leafsue. I already want to kick you into a volcano and we're only five chapters in.
No more!
I hope. Anywhatsadoodle let's get started.
PROLOGUE
“Yellowfang sniffed at the fresh-kill and jerked backwards. She rubbed her paw against her broad, flat muzzle as the dark shadow of a flea scuttled across her nose.
“I thought these hunting grounds would be safe from fleas!”
1. No one likes you, Yellowfang, you've been the consigned acceptable target since book one. You should know this by now. Phantom fleas are the least of your problems.
2. She’s been dead since book 4, you'd think she'd have noticed by now. StarClan, I so envy your powers of observance and um...wisdom. Right.
““When will you learn to groom yourself?””
I...what. Yellowfang's a cat, last time I checked. All cats know how to groom themselves. Also shut up Spottedleaf, I would bet a medicine cat with ten times your experience and half your sueness doesn't want to be patronized by you. Gtfo.
““When you stop trying to take care of every cat,””
Spottedleaf. Stahp. I know it's down in your contract that you have to be the most insufferable sue ever, but I think you're overdoing it.
“”Bad luck” she sympathized. “I didn’t think there were any fleas here.”
Silly Bluestar, StarClan doesn't discriminate against bloodsucking plague spreader ghosts.
“”They each seem to be figuring out their path at last.””
The ones you shoehorned them into for your own sadistic reasons?
““These kits were born into ThunderClan! They have been raised as loyal ThunderClan warriors. Why should they feel responsibility towards any other Clan?”
They are half WindClan, just sayin'. And they're really only a quarter ThunderClan and another quarter house cat. If you argue solely by blood, they're more WindClan than anything.
Also, Jaypaw is a medicine cat and they have the whole "help everyone" shizz going on. Although he did want to be a warrior. But you and your allies bullied him into accepting his... "destiny." Barf.
“Helpless even to protect ourselves”
Protected from what?
Phantom fleas?
As far as I can see they're the biggest threat around here.
Maybe I missed the phantom flying chainsaw badgers.
Chapter 1
“A cold wind rolling”
Wind can roll? I thought it swooshed or blew or something.
“shabby green”
How can a color be shabby?
“Why any cat would want to stay in the mountains when they could live by the lake.”
Hollypaw, all of the Tribe cats except for three haven’t even been to the lake, and even then you think they’re just automatically going to love it and want to stay? And even if all the Tribe cats randomly decided to move to the lake, it would be kind of crowded for all of the other Clans. I don’t think you want that.
““Brook must feel the same way about the mountains as I do about my home.””
Detective Hollypaw, I am absolutely stunned by this brilliant deduction.
““Lionpaw flicked Hollypaw’s flank with his tail.””
That’s some flexible tail there.
““We’ve got to figure out exactly what this prophecy means!””
And how may I ask will you do this? And why? I think you can still fulfill it without knowing every tiny detail there is to know. That’s kind of the point of a prophecy.
““You know Jaypaw and his visions””
What the beeping-? This isn’t a vision it’s a prophecy, you dimwits.
““They sound great, but we have to live in the real world.””
Your world is nowhere close to even being realistic, chickie.
““We’ll be able to do anything!””
Erm, aren’t you contradicting yourself here Holly? You just said that you needed to figure out exactly what the prophecy meant and now you’re acting like you know. Ah inconsistency, how the Erins adore thee.
““How could you say such a thing?””
Oh no, how could Lionpaw ever challenge the all-knowing code? Hollypaw, your grandpa broke it several times and I don’t see you lecturing him. But maybe you don’t know he’s capable of having flaws.
“How would she know what she was supposed to do if it came to a choice between her own safety and her Clan’s”
...you follow the expletive code?
I'm pretty sure there's a rule in there saying "defend your Clan with your life."
Preeeeeetty sure.
“Squirrelflight still saw them as kits.”
Oh stop complaining.
“kits didn’t have to worry about having more power than their warrior ancestors”
Sure they would. They’re going to have to grow up one day, after all. What's the point of worrying about it when you don't even know exactly what it entails?
““Why did you get in the way?” Breezepaw! The black WindClan apprentice was shaking out his fur beside her. “I almost had that mouse!” “Sorr-“ She began to apologize, then bristled. Why didn’t the dumb furball look where he was going?””
Hello, he can’t change direction mid-pounce. At least not to my knowledge.
““Of course she is! She’d be even better if she were hunting like we were supposed to, instead of getting in my way.””
Breezepaw gets brownie points.
““ThunderClan cats think they’re so special””
They are special.
Special ed.
/badum-ch
“Jaypaw is already making predictions about trouble in other Clans, too.”
Wait what? Why haven’t we seen this before?
“How could she be scared of her own brother?”
I can think of many reasons.
Chapter 2
“The skin’s grazed but not bleeding. But you already knew that.”
Ah, the poorly disguised exposition we all know and loathe.
“some mouse-brained comment about how well he had coped with the unfamiliar territory.”
So you’re going to be annoyed if she praises you? Jerkface, thy name is well deserved.
““Nice pigeon.” Crowfeather mewed to Lionpaw. Breezepaw stiffened in anger.””
Don't feel too bad, Breezepaw, their daddy issues will turn out to be ten times worse than yours. Namely because you have the same dad.
“By accepting fresh-kill, they were openly admitting their weakness”
I can see why they might not like to do that, but it’s hardly going to matter to their FRIENDS, who caught it for them in the first place and hardly be ones to attack them.
“Brook bristled. “Wolves.””
Why have we not heard of wolves before in the mountains? Why the heck didn’t one of them finish off Sharptooth, or prey on the Tribe themselves? I mean honestly.
“Imagine having such a sour-tongued warrior (Crowfeather) for a father. I’m glad I’m not Breezepaw!
That would be terrible. I sure do hope the authors don't spring a last minute asspull like that.
“Brambleclaw led the way down the hill, Breezepaw at his heels, while Crowfeather had already caught up and was flanking Tawnypelt, keeping to the outside of the group. Squirrelflight padded alone, while Hollypaw and Lionpaw trotted behind.”
This may seem like nitpicking, but how in sanity’s name does he know all this?I know he can hear well, but that well to tell exactly where every cat is, precisely what their pawsteps sound like, and how tell them apart? I guess he’s Just That Special.
“Is the prophecy really meant for a cat who can’t see?”
Where did all that “I can do anything” spirit go, Jerkface? Don't go OOC on me now.
Chapter 3
“He cleared the gorge in one easy jump, landing on the ridge beyond. His claws scraped the rock, holding his paws firm. He leaped again, light as air, the breath hardly stirring in his chest. His tail seemed to brush the pelt-soft sky and, with the blood rushing in his ears, he lifted his chin and yowled, his voice echoing like thunder around the empty mountains. I have the power of the stars in my paws!”
Or you’re really huge, deny the laws of physics, and are on kitty steroids. Just a thought.
“And neither of them had asked about his journey to the mountains. He stared angrily around the camp. No cat seemed the slightest bit interested in his return.”
Aren’t you a bit self-centered? Did you expect everyone to clamor around you and beg at your paws for details?
“Or did she think their matching snow-colored pelts would scare away all the prey as soon as they set foot under the trees?”
Then why even bother going out if you’re like a great big danger sign? Or two?
Or maybe they've never heard of the revolutionary tactic called "hiding."
“It took me ages to get it right”
Didn’t Sir Gary Stu catch a vole on his first day as an apprentice? I would not call maybe an hour or two ages. Maybe his perception of time is screwed up, it would not surprise me.
“Looking down at Icepaw’s glowing eyes, Lionpaw felt as if he were being asked to give up an entire way of life—and one that suited him very well.”
How do her eyes remind you of the prophecy? What is the connection here? I’m not seeing it, whatever it is.
“Icepaw padded beside him, her small catch tripping her as she tried to match his pace. “I wish my legs weren’t so short” she complained, her words muffled by vole fur.”
Icepaw must be one short cat, if a vole can trip her up. The vole is about, what, two inches long and one inch thick or so? The book specifically states it’s a small vole. Even a cat a little over six moons can carry a vole and not trip. So either Icepaw is about six inches tall, or that vole is genetically mutated and huge and the cats’ size perception is way off.
“Icepaw lifted her chin. “I got it first try!””
How in logic’s name would you have had a second try? If you’d missed, the vole would have bolted down its hole, not wait around for you to try again, Icepaw dear.
““No cat must know! Not when we don’t know exactly what this prophecy means.””
Oh no, they’re totally going to read you the riot act if you don’t know exactly what this huge mysterious prophecy means. Hollypaw, I think you’re just a little bit paranoid/obsessive about this.
“Icepaw was trotting from the fresh-kill pile with her little vole swinging from her jaws.”
Hang on a moment-weren’t we just told she couldn’t walk with it without tripping? Or did Icepaw randomly have a lightning-fast growth spurt? Or did the vole shrink? It’s a mystery.
“Lionpaw watched his brother. He seemed completely different from the resentful young cat who had never wanted to be a medicine cat’s apprentice. And yet he’s more powerful than any of his Clanmates.”
Yo, he’s had three full books to develop. Dontcha think he might have changed a bit? And Lionpaw, no, he’s not really more powerful than you. You’re a member of the prophecy just like he is. You are his equal. –headdesk-
“Would the frustration gnawing in his own belly cease with time, once he’d gotten used to the prophecy, as Jaypaw had done?”
Probably. Don’t see why you’re upset anyway. Thought you liked this whole shebang, being super powerful and all.
““Isn’t he going to mention how I fought?” he hissed under his breath.”
Yeah, you and the other two apprentices who fought, remember?
Lionpaw, I know you inherit jerkwad-ness from both sides of your family, but that's not an excuse.
““Cloudtail found a hive in a hollow trunk while we were patrolling near the abandoned Twolegplace,” Cinderpaw explained. “He managed to get his paw in and grab a chunk of honeycomb.” Did he get stung?” Foxpaw mewed. “Only once.”
I find it difficult to believe he only got stung once, sticking his paw into a beehive.
“One day all the honey in the forest would be his.”
I'm quaking in my boots at the mere thought of this dread power. Grim shall be the day when Lionpaw rules all honey.
““Not joining in with the honey feast?” Lionpaw whispered. “Let them enjoy it,” he whispered back. Suddenly feeling less alone, Lionpaw closed his eyes and slipped into sleep.”
Snobs.
““We’re not concerned with past battles,” Tigerstar mewed briskly. “Only battles to come.” Lionpaw narrowed his eyes. This sounded like an excuse to him. They couldn’t see me in the mountains!”
…He makes a big deal out of what Tigerstar says, which happens to be perfectly logical. He’s probably just worried about this because if they didn’t see him they won’t be able to fall over in their race to adore him, like he thinks they should.
Barf.
““But don’t you want to hear about the mountain cats?” Tigerstar lashed his tail. “They’re no concern of mine.” He’s not interested!”
I wouldn’t be interested either. Maybe because I’ve read the book, but maybe because Lionpaw is such a jerk I don’t give a crap.
“Well, he certainly didn’t know everything about Lionpaw.”
Is Tigerstar supposed to? I don’t think you want him stalking you.
Chapter 4
“He turned and dashed towards the den entrance as Daisy raced in. He smelled fear on her pelt and the lash of a flailing paw as she hurried past him.”
Um….how did you not bonk heads cartoon style and fall over with x’d-out eyes and little stars floating around your heads? It’s a small medicine cave.
“He was chasing a bee and jumped straight into the nettle patch,” Daisy panted after setting down Toadkit.”
That is one dumb kit, if he can’t see he’s about to jump into a fricking nettle patch.
“…Jaypaw tripped over her tail. He stumbled to a clumsy halt at the store entrance..”
Jaypaw, tripping means you FALL OVER. Comprende?
““Thanks, Jaypaw.” Toadkit’s grateful mew took him by surprise.”
Because you’re never grateful yourself?
“But the coltsfoot in her paws grew more fragrant, as though her pads were twitching with unease.”
Uh….how would her pads twitching make the herb more fragrant? Unless Leafpool’s pads are made of coltsfoot, and her twitching them wafts the scent like perfume. But that would make it difficult to walk, methinks.
““But they didn’t try to help the Tribe beat the invaders.”
He’s talking about the Tribe of Endless Hunting.
Last time I checked they were dead.
So they're supposed to help how?
“Yet she had sounded so bright when talking to Cloudtail. Unnaturally bright, as though covering doubt.”
What. Leafpool just told Cloudtail that Cinderpaw was definitely ready for her final assessment. If Leafpool really cared about Cinderpaw, she would’ve checked on her (healed from being broken) leg. But no, her excuse is that Cinderpaw will follow her ~*destiny.*~
The spawn of Firestar are just so expletive hateable.
Chapter 5
“Leafpool was sharing a mouse with Cloudtail when Jaypaw nosed his way out of the medicine den and padded to the fresh-kill pile.”
I guess the Erins are just trying to be descriptive when they say he “nosed” his way out of the den because he can’t see, but that still doesn’t stop me thinking of him walking along with his nose pressed to the ground.
“He whisked his tail along Jaypaw’s flank.”
Return of the supertails.
““You’ve got a more important job. Leafpool wants you to come with us to gather herbs.” Great. Jaypaw suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore.”
So Jerkface is unhappy just because he has to gather herbs and doesn’t get to hunt. Well let’s think about what he’s been doing for the past three books, hmmm, maybe GATHERING HERBS a lot of the time? Why would he suddenly be all angsty about it now?
Right, he's a selfish ingrate who wouldn't be happy if he got the whole world handed to him on a plate. Got it.
“The woods were drowsy with heat”
Wait…trees need to sleep? I didn’t know that.
“If anyone catches us,” Hollypaw mewed, “we can just say we were just trying to get some tips before our own assessment. No warrior could object to that.””
Yes, they could. You’re not doing anything productive, not to mention possibly breaking the code. Though I don’t see how you’re “picking up tips” by watching them. They hunt pretty much the same way you do. Except they aren’t stus/sues.
““Where are you going?” Leafpool’s mew startled him as he headed for the den entrance. “I left some leaves behind,” he lied.”
Why did you even need to do that.
““But Poppypaw looks as calm as a vixen.”
….how do they know that female foxes are particularly calm? And why would they be? These books inaccurately portray foxes as bloodthirsty monsters anyway.
““Where shall I hunt?” Honeypaw mewed nervously. “Trust your instinct,” Poppypaw advised.”
Knowing the territory might also help. Which I think she does, as she’s an experienced apprentice.
“The air was suddenly thick with pain.”
What. I know Jaypaw's an empath, but this just doesn't make any sense.
“Waves of agony flooded from Cinderpaw’s injured leg.”
Yes, I know she’s most likely in great agony, but Jerkface can sense pain waves now?
Note to the Erins: Giving him more powers does not make him more likable. At all. In any way.
“Cloudtail scrabbled onto the trunk, pushing Hollypaw to one side. “I knew she wasn’t ready!”
Then why, in StarClan’s stupid name, didn’t you freaking insist to Leafpool so instead of accepting her weak assurances and strolling out? You IDIOT, Cloudtail.
““We need to get her back to camp,” Jaypaw told him. “Hollypaw, you go on ahead and warn Leafpool.”
Hollypaw hesitated, not wanting to leave her friend.”
Hollypaw. Sitting on your tail beside her isn’t doing anything. Going to warn the medicine cat so she’ll be ready to treat your friend is. –headdeskheaddeskheaddesk-
““You shouldn’t have told Cloudtail she was ready for her assessment.””
For once I agree with Jerkface.
““That’s not for you to judge.” Leafpool’s voice quavered.”
Why?
““You didn’t even watch a training session to make sure she was fully fit.”
...
Really?
Really?
You know a character is stupid when even JAYPAW can point out what they've done wrong.
““You can’t always do the right thing. No matter how much you want to.” “I know.” Grief pulsed from his mentor, sharper and deeper than Jaypaw expected. “But I’ll always try.”
Barf. Go away, Leafsue. I already want to kick you into a volcano and we're only five chapters in.
